“NO ONE chickens out better than ME! Wait, I mean—I NEVER CHICKEN OUT! I’m the most courageous man since Lincoln. Maybe even before Lincoln. Lincoln didn’t even fight at Dunkirk!”
Palm Beach, FL – President Donald J. Trump has launched what insiders are calling the “Tortilla Tantrum” after a viral nickname took over the internet this week. The moniker? TACO — Trump Always Chickens Out.
Taco Crisis: What began as a cheeky Wall Street trend quickly spiraled into an international culinary crisis when Trump, upon discovering the acronym, went on Truth Social, reportedly screaming:
“NO ONE chickens out better than ME! Wait, I mean—I NEVER CHICKEN OUT! I’m the most courageous man since Lincoln. Maybe even before Lincoln. Lincoln didn’t even fight at Dunkirk!”
According to Mar-a-Lago staffers, Trump over the weekend dramatically flipped over a plate of fish tacos during lunch, screaming:
“BANNED! Tacos are CANCELLED. Everywhere. Forever. Starting now. EXECUTIVE ORDER—global!”
Despite having no actual authority, Trump claimed he would personally “build a wall around every Taco Bell” and called on his followers to “boycott tacos, burritos, and any food that starts with T unless it’s Trump-branded.”
In a hastily convened press conference held from the golden toilet room at Mar-a-Lago, Trump announced the launch of his new food line: “Freedom Wraps™ – 100% American, 0% spicy. Mild salsa only. Lettuce optional.”
Quesadillas are reportedly in “negotiations.”
Meanwhile, the internet ran wild with memes, including a now-viral image of Trump in a sombrero with the caption:
“El Presidente TACO: Always Running, Never Folding—Except the Tortilla.”
Mexico released a formal statement saying, “We are flattered he thinks we control tacos globally. We do not.”
France offered to rename tacos “Freedom Foldés” .
Canada said simply, “We’re staying out of this. Eh.”
Even former allies are distancing themselves. “The guy once ate a taco bowl and tweeted ‘I love Hispanics,’” said one former campaign manager. “Now he’s calling guacamole ‘deep state green slime.’ We’re lost.”
Despite the backlash, Trump remains undeterred.
“Call me TACO again,” he warned on Truth Social, “and I will personally deport every avocado. That’s a promise.”
